Category: life

Running: A Tale About Pushing Forward

Cass2 Comments

Although I ran cross-country in high school (I was the second to slowest runner), I hadn’t really run consistently since 2014. I decided to start back August 2023. I had just gone through a huge trauma in my life. I’ve gone back and forth on whether to share what exactly happened due to the nature of the events and the people involved. In June 2023, I had one of the worst PTSD attacks I’ve experienced in a long time. My symptoms were exasperated and my inner self was drowning in anxiety and depression.

In addition to therapy, I found a way to work through the trauma through running. Every run forced me to be alone with myself and confront the pain and betrayal I felt. I was able to work through this trauma and past ones by focusing on the scenario and making peace of what happened. I started small with my a 5k in October 2023. I slowly worked my way up furthering my distance each time. My first 10k was in April and my first half marathon in June both in 2024. The decision to complete a full marathon was not taken lightly.

I received a sign from the universe to go ahead with my plans when I went to pick up my race packet for the CAP10K run when I won a free entry to the Austin Marathon! This entry was a choose your distance free entry and I decided to wait until after my half marathon to see how my body faired. I started a half marathon training plan after completing the 10k and successfully completed the Red, White, and Blue Half Marathon in McKinney, Texas. After I completed this, I took about a week off and decided to sign up for the full 26.2 miles coming up in February.

I did a lot of research on what training plan would fit best for me. I knew I wanted a bit of a longer plan because I wanted my body to adjust gradually to the mileage. I was used to about 10-13 miles at this point, but it was time to up the long runs. I settled on a 32-week marathon training plan from All About Marathon Training. This plan was the perfect pace for my life load! I adjusted the plan to make my long runs mostly on Saturdays.

Week after week I ran. 4 am wakeups to beat the heat and get it in before I started my daily routine. It took awhile for my body to get used to the mornings as I usually avoided early mornings like the plague. I knew it was temporary for a greater choice. I slowly found out what worked for me and what gear (see below for Amazon recommendations) I had to have to succeed. I found out my favorite running instructors on Peloton along with putting in some serious audiobook hours.

Somedays were rough and required a reschedule, but I knew in my mindset, my goal. I envisioned myself crossing that line at 26.2 miles and being reunited with my family. The people who know the real me know if I set my mind to something, it’s going to happen. I kept training through illnesses, flare-ups, injuries, and all sorts of weather. I made training a priority in my week and made sure it didn’t interfere too much with my home life. I ran super early on Saturdays so I could run before I coached my son’s games and so I could still enjoy a day with my family.

I ran religiously and did not miss one run until December 2024 when I suffered a ligament injury. I knew running with my condition would be tough and that it would put a strain on my joints, but the benefits of muscle building, increased stamina, mental health, and so on seemed to outweigh the risks. On December 7th as apart of Stride and my regularly scheduled training, I completed my longest distance thus far of 21 miles – 18 miles in the morning and my remaining 3 miles at the Festival of Lights run with my family (my son ran the entire way with me! PROUD MAMA moment). This was an all time high! I felt from that moment on, I CAN DO THIS! Unfortunately my celebration came just a tad too early.

On December 21, I felt a stab of pain on my left knee (the one without the MPFL) on one of my runs. I tried to keep running but it was like a shock of electricity shooting throughout it. I hobbled home and rested, iced, and elevated it for a couple days. I was hoping that would be the end of it. My short runs were doable, but my first long run back which was supposed to be 10 miles ended 2 miles early with a long walk home (limpin’ ain’t easy).

That walk home had me feeling all kinds of defeat. I bawled thinking all my hard work was not going to end with a medal, with my end goal of crossing that finish line. I thought this was it. After that injury I made sure to take a couple weeks off which luckily lined up perfectly with the holidays in some weird twist of fate. Not having the pressure to run and spend time with my family was great, but in the back of my mind doubt started creeping in.

I did some research on the pain I was experiencing and decided when I restarted my running plan I would start to tape my injured knee. THIS DID THE TRICK! When I wore the KT Tape (link below!) I was able to go the distance and in relatively a low amount of pain. I would immediately ice after my runs, rest, elevate, and control any swelling with NSAIDs. I was starting to feel like maybe running this marathon was an actual possibility again. Then the dreaded viruses struck.

When my oldest son originally started daycare, I was sick constantly, but I’d like to think I have since acquired some immunity against the nonstop influx of germs. Whelp, whether it was the flu, RSV, or whatever virus, it came with a vengeance. It plagued not only my kids, but had me running a fever, having cold sweats, night sweats, and feeling absolutely horrid. This went on for two week straight. TWO WEEKS. Right when I thought I was over it, I would start a fever again.

I was truly starting to think I should just not show up for the packet pick-up at this point. I was feeling defeated. I am fortunate to have such an amazing support system – my husband, my best friend, and my parents reassured me I had been training this whole time. What’s the worst that could happen? I would not finish in a race I won? I made the choice to just keep going.

I continued my training plan and one week before the race I did my last long run of 10 miles. I was feeling good about it. My knees taped, I took off. However once I hit the main roadway I noticed a man following me. I was hoping I was just being paranoid so I came up with a plan to turn around to see if he did the same. Once I hit the end of the shops I turned around and started back the other way. He did the same. I called my husband immediately to pick me up and thank goodness he was right down the street. It’s not fair women have to be concerned about their safety when they just want to exist. Running has become therapeutic to me and has been my mental safe space, unfortunately it wasn’t my physical safe place.

My tips for training outside include only having one AirPod in, running with Plegium (link below), carrying bear spray and/or a birdie alarm, and I stayed within my subdivision if the sun was not up. I try to get my husband to run with me now so I can have company and feel at peace. If you have a large breed dog to accompany you on the run, that would also be a great idea (my pugs wouldn’t last .25 miles running 😂). Safety is super important as women are killed and attacked during running often. Stay vigilant always and let someone know when you’re going, the route, and when you’re expected to return.

My last week of training I got into a zen place and just felt at peace. I started journaling my manifestations of crossing the finish line as I prepared for the big day. At packet pickup the jitters really kicked in. I was about to run 26.2 miles through Austin! The expo was incredible with lots of goodies to pick up for race day (I won an entry to this race at an expo!). That feeling of getting your bib and gear just makes everything so real.

The night before I laid out all my gear for the next day. I definitely overpacked, but you live and you learn. Don’t make my mistake! See my must haves below and what I wish I would have left at home. I rose bright and early at 5am on race day, grabbed my gear, ate some plain eggos and jumped in the car with my mom who was my chauffeur for the morning drop off. The original plan was she was hoping to see me off, but the parking was insane. If I was going alone, I would have definitely left a tad earlier to secure a spot in a parking garage. I grabbed my gear and ran to my corral.

I should have tried to use the restroom beforehand, but the lines are always insane. Starbucks was packed to the brim of brave runners looking for a caffeine fix before taking off. It was freezing when I arrived which makes it difficult to dress for when running. I was torn with trying to keep warm prior to the run (the cold goes straight to my joints) and minimizing layers. We did our pre-run warmups and made small talk to get the nerves out before starting. The gun time and start of the timer starts the first wave of runner and I was in the third wave, so the time shown when crossing was off by a little over ten minutes.

The route was gorgeous and honestly the best way to view Austin. I made sure I paced myself and mentally put myself in a great place. I had a playlist already made for my half marathon (linked here) and added a few more picks to keep the motivation going. I knew I did not want to stop during the entire run. Personally, stopping for me is an opening for getting too comfortable with walking. I made sure to grab electrolytes and water at almost every hydration station even though I had water in my belt so that I could save it in case I needed water without having a station available.

Every mile marker was a celebration. The best thing about the Austin marathon was the pouring out of support. Spectators had signs, cheered nonstop, and brought all kind of goodies for the runners including liquor! The music, the atmosphere, the views were everything. Once I hit the split for Half finish and Full continue on is when it soaked in I was in for the long haul. The crowd died down at the split, which is when the mental overdrive kicked in. I got to go through my old stomping grounds from when I attended the University of Texas and the nostalgia was full on.

One of the biggest motivators was my best friend and husband cheering me on. I met Heather through Peloton (a bike that literally goes nowhere) and we instantly connected. You know how they say you have a soulmate that comes in the form of a best friend? That’s Heather. I will have to do a later post on the craziness of our connection and how things have celestially lined up. She woke up at the ass crack of dawn (Canadian time) to watch me through the tracking app and send endless encouragement.

My husband had the task of getting the boys gathered up and ready to watch their mama finish this race! At mile 22 the tears started flowing. This journey was so healing for me and I started reminiscing about my reasons why and how hard I worked to meet this goal. As the finish line came closer and closer, I pressed on until I rounded the last corner and saw the Finish Line at last. I began sprinting with all my might. The moment I crossed, my face lit up as the called “CASSANDRA ROBINSON.” 26.2 Miles finished. I limped towards the reunion line after snapping a couple of photos and there I saw my husband and my two boys with a large sign that read “Mama’s First Marathon”! I had done it. I am a marathoner!

For anyone wanting to take on the challenge, know that your mind is your most powerful weapon in completing.

Amazon Affiliate Links Below
  1. Magnetic Portable Charger (for Phone + Apple Watch) – this hands down is my favorite portable charger, it is slightly bulky, but I ran with it and was so glad I had it to charge my devices
  2. Lululemon Define Jacket – lightweight jacket perfect for running in cooler weather. One thing I wish I had not done was pack so many layers. I had my long sleeve and two jacket layers along with a beanie (trust me leave the beanie at home and choose one jacket layer!)
  3. Sprints Hat – my favorite go-to hat, but I opted to go with the one they gave us at the expo – great fit and lightweight!
  4. Portable Wireless Charger (for Apple Watch) – a great option to extend your battery life on your apple watch (my watch ended up dying right before I reached the finish line due to using mile tracking apps -note if you put the theater mode on it can conserve battery) – I should have used this a little earlier than I did! I think you can skip bringing this one with you and go with option 1.
  5. Lululemon Wunder Train Hi-Rise Legging – my all time favorite running leggings – smooth like butter – I ran with these during my marathon and absolutely felt so comfortable.
  6. LED Reflective Vest – for my early AM runs – not needed for the marathon, but perfect for early or late training days.
  7. Slim Portable Charger (for AirPods) – this was for my older style phone (before upgrading) and for my AirPods – I love how slim this charger is in comparison to number 1, but it has an LED charger cord instead of USB-C. Left this one at home and just made sure my airpods were fully charged with one pod in at a time.
  8. Smart Pepper Spray – this is such a great option to have for protection – when sprayed it contacts your emergency contacts with your location – for an added subscription you can have emergency services contacted and audio recording initiated. – didn’t take this with me on the run as I felt safe with other runners
  9. Purifying Facial Foaming Cleanser – my go-to wash after runs!
  10. Glitter Sunscreen – I like to run with a little sparkle
  11. Core Power Protein Shake – the perfect post-run recovery snack
  12. Strawberry Granola Minis – I love these on the go as extra fuel
  13. Precut Kinesiology Tape for Knees – these have been a huge SAVE for my knee and dealing with my runner’s knee injury. I used one on both knees for the marathon and continue to use them for my left knee.
  14. Glide Gift Set Anti Chafing Sticks – a must have for lower tummy, thighs, and lubricating the toes
  15. Zero Sugar Electrolytes – these are the perfect on the go electrolyte mix
  16. Sugar Free Low Calorie Energy Drinks (Pink Slush) – my all time favorite energy drink flavor
  17. Sugar Free Low Calorie Energy Drinks (Cherry Slush) – second runner up!
  18. Energy Gel Variety Pack – these taste like honey and have the same consistency which is great if you are not a fan of the puree texture
  19. Hydration Running Belt – I used this for my marathon for extra water and storing some of my essentials
  20. HOKA Clifton 9 Women’s Road Running Shoes – my marathon shoe pick – make sure to have your feet scanned to get the perfect fit!
  21. Toe Socks – these have been my favorite socks! I went through a lot of different styles and decided to try these out after I saw Susie Chan wearing some and I am hooked (they are surprisingly comfortable)
  22. Moleskin Blister Prevention Pads – these were great for my big toes and trying to prevent blisters in between them.

Remember: When your legs get tired, run with your heart.

XO,

Cass

Reintroducing Me!

CassLeave a comment

Welcome to my little corner of the internet, I am so excited you are here and appreciate each and every one of you that interacts with my blog.

✨ My name is Cassandra (or Cass, Sass, Sassy, or sassynachos) and it is pronounced Kuh-SAN-druh, not kuh-SAAN-druh hence why I go mostly by the shortened version

✨ I have two boys, two angels (my second son is my surviving triplet), two pugs (they’re semi-instagram famous), two sphynxes, but only one husband

✨ My husband and I met on August 7, 2016, and married exactly 2 months later. We’ve been married going on 9 years now and have settled in Austin after Cabes retired from the Army

✨My hobbies include crafting and all things Peloton (I am at 3555 workouts and a 152-week streak)

✨ I am in my thirties and work in clinical research (I help with drug and vaccine approval by running trials to ensure safety and efficacy)

✨ Growing up I wanted to be a meteorologist, veterinarian, and work in forensics or medicine

✨ I did sports of all kinds until I had to quit at 11 due to multiple dislocations which eventually led me to my diagnosis of Ehler’s Danlos Syndrome and some of its rad (sarcasm) comorbidities.

✨ I love books and some of my favorite listens include The Stillhouse Lake Series by Rachel Caine, Rouge by Mona Awad, The Institute by Stephen King, Local Woman Missing by Mary Kubica and The One by James Marr. (follow me on goodreads)

✨ I am a brain surgery survivor (Chiari Decompression)

✨ I just finished my very first marathon last weekend (Austin Marathon) – I hope my cross country coach would be proud

✨ my favorite fuel is movie theater popcorn (layered butter and topped with jalapenos) complete with licorice on the side, southern curry with paneer (extra spicy), a soyrizo burrito packed with all the good veggies, a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, a large fountain iced diet coke (cubed ice not crushed),+/or a venti iced matcha (nonfat) with strawberry cold foam

✨ I graduated from Texas Tech (Wreck ‘Em) with a Bachelor of Science in Biology and minor in Health Professions

✨ I coach recreational U7 soccer (including my oldest son) in my free time during the soccer seasons

✨ I have lost over 100 pounds since I found my love for movement and healthy eating

✨ I collect tattoos (I prefer bright colors and traditional designs), kewpies, soul cats, + post cards

✨ My favorite movie is Coraline and I am obsessed with stop motion animation films. I also love horror films especially when I get to watch them with my mama

✨ My best friend is Canadian and therefore I am Canadian by association

✨ I am apart of a literary program where I work with kids that have fallen behind to help develop their reading skills.

✨ I choose to not let trauma dictate my life

✨ My goals for this year is to work on paying off my debt, re-opening my etsy shop, run more races, and become a foster again for pugs in need

xoxo, Cass

T.K.O.

CassLeave a comment

Well it’s been awhile since I’ve put my thoughts out there for all to read. I find myself in this cycle of feeling overwhelmed by having too much to do and feeling frozen when it comes to actually starting. My last post was my MPFL repair that happened in May 2021. Nearly three years later, I’ve decided to return. So what’s new with me?

Well I am cured!! Just kidding guys, I wish I could say that. No… I will say the surgery was one of the better decisions I have made. I have not had one dislocation in that knee since the operation and am finally able to devote my free time to meeting my physical goals and surpassing them! I started back on my Peloton hardcore once I was cleared for exercise after my cesarean in February 2022.

Yep, you read that right. I had another baby boy, we named Knox Daniel. He is extraordinary. To make the story even more intriguing whether I like it or not, I found out I was pregnant right after my knee surgery was completed. I took a test in Father’s Day and those two pink lines popped up faster than you could imagine. It was the day after the 4th of July when I went in for my first scan. My husband had to stay in the car with our son (who was two at the time) due to pandemic restrictions.

A thirty-forty-five minute appointment turned into an hour and a half when my ultrasound showed something beyond shocking.

The technician was fairly quiet. She kept moving the probe around and pressing here and there. I was very newly pregnant estimated to be about 4-5 weeks. She typed in my estimated due date and then she got to number of fetus(es)…. She typed in 3. I thought this was a mistake. A typo? I nervously chucked and said there’s not more than one in there is there? She said I can’t confirm if they’re all viable because you’re too early, but there are three sacs.

my three beans 🫘

What? I have to be mishearing you right now. I started crying and hyperventilating. My my husband is in the car!!  I Can’t just simply text him it’s triplets… but it was. I waited and waited for the doctor to come in and meanwhile I was hysterical. Going from laughing to panicking to crying. How could this have happened? We have no twins that run in our families (at least that we know of). I was waiting for someone to jump out and say “look at the camera, you’ve been punked!! No Ashton to be seen, but three beautiful eggs in my womb. Caleb and I joked about the possibility of having multiples because of how fast I thought that I was showing. 

Obviously when I left the clinic to where my husband was parked, I was shaking. Nervously filming his reaction. This video got us over 3 million views on TikTok and for good reason. My husband was speechless and his jaw understandably dropped to the floor at the news. We began thinking of our future. We were building a house a month before we planned to move from our tiny duplex we previously dwelled in for the last three years. I thought about the challenges we would face financially and myself physically being a chronic illness mama, but I couldn’t help being so elated. I’d been obsessed with multiples as a kid and here I was expecting triplets. Our original plan with our second baby was to wait until I was nearly 6 months along; something about holding a secret like this amongst just us was special. With the news that there’d be three, we had to alert the troops immediately. We FaceTimed my parents, the. Caleb’s parents, followed by his siblings. They all thought we were joking at first. How could I possibly have three humans growing in me?!

I prayed a lot. I prayed that my anxious heart could take this and that my beautiful babies continue to grow. I tried my best not to worry. I wanted to make sure my anxiety didn’t plague my entire pregnancy like it did with my first baby. I was mostly in shock. I was told it wasn’t likely that all three would survive, so I tried my best not to grow attached to the idea of having three.

The next visit was three weeks later.

The ultrasound technician booked extra time to accommodate the multiples and I went holding hands with my husband next to me this time. As she placed the gel on my body, I took a deep breath. “I only see two…” To say it didn’t sting, would be a lie, but I also felt a wave of bittersweet relief. Then guilt for feeling that way. I wanted all three babies, but I was terrified about my health, the future, finances. I took comfort in knowing that they would remain perfect in Heaven. This baby, originally baby A we lovingly named Theo. Somehow giving our little lost soul a name helped us heal and focus on our remaining loves. Their heartbeats were both strong and healthy. “After seeing their heartbeats, risk of miscarry is low,” we were told by our high-risk OB.

The next few weeks I began purchasing for our surviving triplets or twins as they now were called. Baby A (which is Baby B out of the triplets) had a beautiful egg shape and strong heartbeat and baby B (baby C out of the triplets) had a bit of more oblong egg shape, but alas their little heartbeat was steady. I saw a Slumberkins ad for a pink Ixi and immediately had to get one pink and one grey matching creatures for my two little joys. I was told my surviving twins were dizygotic meaning from two separate eggs although some twins at this stage can be monozygotic (they just split really early) and I had an intuition that one was a girl and one was a boy. 

I was thirteen weeks when I had my next scan. The day before the appointment, I had a gut feeling that something was not right. I called the OB facility asking if there was anyway I could come in that day to move up my ultrasound. They assured me that everything would be okay if we waited (not like they could do much at that point in my pregnancy if it wasn’t…). The wait felt like an entirety. The next day arrived and I laid nervously on the exam table ready for my scan. My husband sat to the right of me holding my hand. All I remember is the technician saying something along the lines of only one baby was growing normally. I was in denial. I said the second one likes to hide. She assured me, no the second baby had passed. As the words started to sink in, I began sobbing. My heart breaking as I pleaded with the technician to keep searching. I still feel the ache when I see multiples in public, but Knox has some wonderful guardian angels watching over him. We decided to name the babies that passed to help us grieve- Theo and Ollie. My little peas (I use pea-pods to represent my triplet babes).

My health has had its ups and downs. I seem to have a rough flare up about every two to three years that knocks me down for a little while, but while I am knocked down, I am never knocked out (quoting my favorite Peloton instructor and mental health advocate- Kendall Toole). 2023 has been one of growth and reflection. From being at one of my lowest lows back in the heat of the summer to finishing it up feeling grateful for those who truly love and support me even more than ever before. Remembering that I am worthy of love, I do not deserve mistreatment, false accusations (that could be farther from the truth) and that I will live each day grateful to be here on this planet and spread kindness. I find strength in sharing my truth, my battle and if that offends anyone, I think it’s time to look in the mirror and get to the root of why it bothers you.

Signing off this entry, but will be back soon.

Xo,

sassynachos 

Employed!

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Hi guys. I know it’s been a good while. I have been horrible about staying on top of writing; juggling my free time with being a mama and work has been hard. Yes, that’s right you read correctly. I have a job! I finally have the career I have been desperately searching for. I can even use my biology degree! I work as a clinical research coordinator here in Austin, Texas and I am absolutely loving my position thus far.

So you’re probably wondering what being a coordinator entails. I work on recruiting new participants for studies and making sure that they match the inclusion/exclusion criteria. I am also in charge of screening them to make sure that no medications, health conditions, or allergies interfere with the study. Clinical research is all about data collected in that moment, so I have to take extra precautions to make sure that all data is taken down in real time, which requires the utmost attention to detail. I check in panelists when they arrive, band them, and screen them appropriately as required, as well as make cold calls in the back office.

Life has been up and down. Griffin turned one, Caleb and I celebrated our third year wedding anniversary, I opened a side business: Griff ‘n Co, and we added a new family member! I plan on doing late posts on these events, so stay tuned. I also have been focusing on taking care of my skin and using some amazing products to rejuvenate it and get a beautiful complexion. I am eager to share my routine! I just wanted to briefly check in with you all and let you know that I am still here and trucking on. As far as health, I finally got a diagnosis. Years of suffering have led me to the answer I had been seeking! What are your guesses? You’ll find out soon.

Thanks for staying with me.
xo,
Cass

Twenty Weeks

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20wks-8

How in the world am I already half way through my pregnancy?! It’s been an overwhelming, but incredible ride so far.

On May 22, we had our anatomy scan which identifies the gender of the baby and ensures baby is on track with growth. Since I have solely committed to not finding out the gender of our little jalapeño, we both agreed to turn our heads away while the technician confirmed the baby’s gender, although there was a struggle for me to keep my hand over Caleb’s eyes as he desperately tried to move it out of the way! No way! There is no way one of us could know and not tell the other, so too bad for you hubby. Our baby is looking healthy as can be and we are growing more and more excited for our little one’s arrival.

Wow. What a little miracle we have here. I am truly in awe at how baby is growing and developing. I felt Baby Robinson move for the first time on the 24th of May. Caleb and I were traveling back and forth from our storage unit (lots of lifting in this heat has made me almost reach my end!) and I felt a little roll from the inside! I exclaimed to Caleb I felt it!! I felt the baby! I called my mom immediately with excitement. It’s such an unbelievable feeling: like a little massage roller from the inside out and Baby R made her/his presence known. Now baby moves daily and sometimes she/he won’t stop! I can no longer comfortably lay on my belly, which is a bummer for me because that was my go to sleeping position prior to baby, but it’s all going to be worth it in the end.

Health wise, I am hanging in there. My biggest issue was dealing with hip and back pain. When I was working my hips would dislocate and hurt often, but now that I am resting, I am feeling better.

What’s getting me through this horrendous summer of being pregnant? The indoors are a must. I cannot go outside for long. I am dying to go swimming and cool off in the water. I wish we had a community pool here, but we sadly do not so it’s either to my dad’s house to go to the lake or they have a crappy lake here, but we have no boat to access it. There is a “beachfront” access (if you can call it that), but the water is so dingy and unsanitary. Lots of cool drinks: water, sparkling juices, and an occasional diet coke help keep my hydrated. I am constantly drinking throughout the day to make sure we keep healthy! Apple slices, grapes, kiwis, strawberries, and blueberries are the perfect summer treats to cool off too. To keep my busy on the inside, I am watching Hart of Dixie, knitting, and playing Neopets (yes, once again.)

On to the fall please! 139 days left until we meet our little one.

We are registered at BabyList and Amazon although we don’t officially have a shower planned yet.

 

xo,

Cass

And Then There Were Five…

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Here I am, once again running behind on blog posts and updating on my oh so glamorous life. I turned the big 25 on February 26th. I always have low-key birthdays, so I spent the day relaxing at home and my husband and I went out to Olive Garden for dinner. My husband did gift me a pair of vegan Birkenstocks and I got some Juicy Beauty products (thanks to my mama) that I had been dying to try out, but in more important news, we’ve been keeping a bit of a secret. This may or may not have contributed to my lack of posting…

Proud Sisters

We are expecting! Our very first baby is due on October 22, 2018!

Continue reading if you want to know the story of how we found out, my symptoms and cravings, how the ultrasounds went and how having Chiari while pregnant is going.

Continue reading “And Then There Were Five…” →

October 7th:

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I know I have been failing at keeping up with frequent blog posts so I apologize for not being with it. My life has gone from 0 to 100 miles per hour overnight. I work a full time job (which I never would have thought been possible) which keeps me busy, busy, busy. Caleb and I officially married last month on October 7th in a small ceremony in Belton, Texas.

Surrounded by our friends and family, it was a magical day where we focused on each other and recommitted our everlasting love. My favorite weather, a stormy sky, provided the perfect backdrop behind our ceremony. We included music from our favorite films and our reception had a candy bar, lots of Venezuelan food, and dancing galore.

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Details:

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I hope you loved the insight to our wedding. Please keep an eye out because more photos to come.

Xo,

Cass

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Cassandra + Caleb

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 07/31/2017 – we had our engagement photos taken in 103 degree heat (although you cannot tell!) by the amazingly talented Robin Rogers in Belton, Texas. The bohemian themed shoot includes a vibrant rug (one that we actually own at home), a pastel pink flowy dress, and a gorgeous updo adorned with flowers. I hope you love our romantic shoot as much as we do.

Hair & Makeup: @katyreddellbeauty | Photography: @robinrogersphotography | Location: Overlook Park, Belton, Texas | His Outfit: @gap | Her Outfit: tba | Mavis + Eleven’s Collars: @madebycleo

Bachelor’s of Science 

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This past May I walked across the stage at Texas Tech University and accepted my diploma after five years of intense work, tears, and way too much stress. My undergraduate started in Fall 2010 when I took a few dual-credit classes to prep me for the years ahead. I entered McLennan Community College (MCC) as a full time student in Fall of 2011 after earning my high school diploma (with honors). I continued to live at home and work part time as a waitress and a babysitter. I was inducted to Phi Theta Kappa after my first semester for my grade point average and hard work.

In Fall of 2012, I moved to Austin to attend The University of Texas at Austin. I was accepted into the school of nursing, but switched (due to the anxiety of the competiveness of the program) to a nutrition major. I worked part time as a nanny and completed a few classes, but I grew too depressed to continue on. This was one of the worst times dealing with my depression. I became suicidal and questioned my life therefore, I returned home after the semester and took the following spring semester off to deal with my mental health. I began seeing a psychologist every week and focused on my health and diet (as I put back all the weight I lost and more due to the extreme mental agony).

Summer 2013, I returned to classes online and went back full time to MCC. I lost the weight I had gained previously to get in the best shape of my life. I got my first long-time job as a Client Service Coordinator at Banfield Pet Hospital and my GPA went back up! In May 2014 I earned two associates with honors (AA & AS).
After attending full time in the summer to get all my prerequisites finished up, I transferred to Texas Tech University as a Biology major and a Chemistry minor. I enjoyed my first year full of exciting science classes and excelled academically, but I began having health issues. I had unexplained faintness, rapid heartbeat, and chronic gastrointestinal problems. In September 2014, my heart went into atrial fibrillation and it had to be cardioverted back into rhythm after IV drugs did not work. I also began having intese allergic reactions and anaphylaxis which lead to my diagnosis of Mast Cell Activation Disorder.

Despite suffering from these issues, I was on a great path until summer of 2015. I quit my job because I was discriminated against for having depression and anxiety that did NOT interfere with my job. I was targeted by the head veterinarian (who was pretentious) along with another girl I worked alongside (she was the only black employee and she also was having a tough time). We were both basically treated unfairly and made to quit. I was told if I didn’t quit, I would be placed on leave without pay. We were thinking about getting lawyers involved for discrimination, but as anxiety goes, we both dropped it. This is when I began getting increasingly ill and I didn’t know what was wrong with me. I started having brain fog and trouble with words and times (which is maybe why they thought my depression interfered with the job, only it wasn’t my depression at all).


That summer I attended classes full time and worked part time as a veterinarian assistant, but this is when I started having extreme problems (hence the archives start here!). Some of the symptoms I began experiencing was muscle weakness, slurred speech, confusion and brain fog, daily headaches, migraines, loss of balance and coordination, and horrible neck and back pain. The pain was so intense I would lay on the floor crying. I started seeing multiple doctors (even at the emergency clinic). I was told that it must just be a muscle sprain over and over again. As my symptoms progressed, I was let go from my job for fear that I may get hurt. I got several images taken: X-ray, CT scan, and MRI. I was told everything was normal. Luckily I had my dad on my side and we would not give up until I had an answer. I got my hands on the actual MRI report which stated: patient has a herniation of the cerebellar tonsils; something my doctor did not think was important to mention to me. I made an appointment to talk to her and she said that shouldn’t affect me at all because “my flow was good.”

Arnold-Chiari Malformation: “structural defects in the cerebellum. That’s the part of the brain that controls balance.”

She insisted that I just needed a psych referral and basically disregarded my physical concerns, needless to say I fired her. I fought hard for a consult with a “Chiari Expert.” My dad actually found a doctor in Houston that specialized in neurology and did posterior fossa decompressions as part of treating Chiari symptoms. I made an appointment with him and had severe issues having my insurance cover it. My dad offered to pay out of pocket for one appointment; we arrived, cash in hand, only to be told that was incorrect and they didn’t take payment from the patient (only insurance companies). My dad begged for them to see me, seeing how badly my symptoms were progressing, but we were turned away. He didn’t stop until he talked to the insurance representatives and they agreed to cover an appointment.

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I finally met Dr. Parish in November and he immediately diagnosed me with Chiari Malformation. My hands and feet were numb due to the lack of proper flow of the spinal fluid cord and he assured me that he could successfully complete the operation with a good chance of aiding or resolving some symptoms. On December 9th, 2015, I under went brain surgery to correct my defect. I had a leg graft taken to be placed in the back of my skull to allow more room for the cerebellar spinal fluid (CSF) to flow. This was an extremely hard time for me as I finished my semester only days before having to be operated on. That semester was truly a grueling one; I had to battle ongoing symptoms of the defect while having to focus on school. The brain fog was immense and it was hard for me to concentrate and memorize. This was the start of working harder than everyone to maintain my grades. In addition to all of this, my grandmother passed away in November only a couple weeks before my operation, but I made it through.

I tried to use my winter break to recover. I signed up for Spring classes foolishly. I was so eager to stay on the path to graduation which was planned for December 2016. After making it all the way through April, it became too much for me to deal with. I wasn’t used to studying after the operation, which is thought to be a Traumatic Brain Injury because of the invasiveness and the aftermath. I couldn’t cope with my confusion. Although my numbness and slurred speech improved, I had much difficult thinking of the right words, staying on a schedule, and had a horrible memory. The pain, which I thought had been resolved (probably masked by the incision pain?), reappeared in March. I made the choice to medically withdraw. My anxiety was incredibly high because I had never had such problems with school as I did that semester.

That summer I had so many life changes. My previous relationship ended and I met Caleb. I questioned my ability to go through another year of school, but I pushed forward. I ran into financial issues as I had to find out the hard way that financial aid is hard. I returned to school in August 2016, determined that it would be my last fall semester. I changed my minor from chemistry to health professions because I would have had to stay an extra semester for one class and I had had enough! I somehow made it through a grueling semester in which I moved and made some serious changes.

January 2017 I started my last semester at Texas Tech, extremely terrified at the course load. I’ll admit that I’m terrible at chemistry and had to buckle down to pass. I somehow managed to make it through despite facing some discrimination along the way (short story: my chemistry teacher blew up on me for forgetting how to set up and apparatus). The months were the slowest of my life. They dragged on and on and I counted the days I had left. I finished my last final on May 12th; that feeling of waking up the day after and coming to the realization I don’t have to endure this repetitive cycle of driving 72 miles back and forth to school and constantly stressing over attendance (that’s what chronic illness does) and proficiency (grades!) is over… it’s liberating, the best feeling in the world! I can’t believe I did it. Over 5 years of hard work with so many challenges and setbacks. I’ve done it! I drove to Lubbock alongside my mom, Caleb, and Dianne to accept my Bachelor’s of Science on May 19th!

So what now? Where will my life take me? I’ve spent this past month applying for jobs left and right, in hope that the perfect one will arise and be interested in my education and experience. I’ve been looking at administration jobs because I know with my chronic pain and conditions, a standing job isn’t ideal. I’ve been working hard this month: exercising, eating healthy, and attending appointments (neurology, allergy, and my PCM to manage my care). I ended up in the ER late May after some terrifying symptoms (numb and blue limbs, confusion/brain fog [worse than usual], feeling faint, & low blood pressure) occurred. It was concluded that I had complex migraine (how can this turn your limbs blue with the blood pooling?) and I got a referral for neurology to see why I am having chronic migraines and neurological issues. The ER doctor said that he saw an old lesion on my cerebellum, which makes me wonder if it is a result of the decompression or something completely different. I fainted a couple weeks later and experienced rapid heart beat upon standing, so a referral to cardiology was put in as well. Praying that I can get these symptoms under control!

Managing my health and upcoming career is stressful to think about, not to mention my endless wedding planning for our upcoming October “I dos.” I often think about my future life and what it will turn out to be. I’ve always wanted to be a mother, but I never thought chronic illness would affect me so much. I just need a steady career and some more answers and/or treatments to manage my defect and diseases. Right now I’m battling my thyroid disease as my medication needs to be adjusted (my synthyroid dose is too low). I just found this out on Friday after my biopsy consult. My doctor that had ordered this test had my results and said nothing (why you have to investigate yourself!). No wonder I’ve been feeling so sluggish, run down, and hungry. Despite working out and eating healthy, I’m not losing any weight! So many times I haven’t been informed of my test results, which is why now I will request a copy!

Here’s to my crazy life ahead (post-undergraduate)! Let’s see where life leads me! Congratulations to the Class of 2017!

Xo,

Cass

Dog Vlog

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Hello lovely followers and new readers! As most of you know I have two lovely little pug princesses that are a big part of my crazy life. I’ve been trying to keep my youtube channel somewhat updated with their troublesome adventures, therefore below, I have included two videos from the past month!

The first one is a look into the first week I brought Eleven “home” to Grandma’s house to get acquainted with Mavis and myself. This time happened to fall while Caleb was off in California for training, so it was an all girls adventure in bringing this tiny soul into our lives. Mavis and Eleven have been best friends ever since meeting and they constantly play back and forth.

The second little clip is from Mae’s first time “home alone,” while Caleb and I took a couple of hours to do errands. What a sad little girl she was. While Eleven was confined to her crate, Mavis took her “freedom” aimlessly roaming around in a confused state of solidarity.

I hope you enjoy the videos above and if you would like to subscribe to our youtube channel, we would love that (unfortunately we can’t even name our channel until we have 100 followers! Okay youtube this is one of the most stupid official rules!)!

xo,

Cass, Mav, & Ele